Terms & Conditions

Last Updated: When We Felt Like It (Probably August 2025, but who’s counting?)

Welcome to Everyonesacomedian.com, the online comedy club where the only thing funnier than our jokes is the fact you thought you’d find world peace here. By accessing this site, you agree to these Terms and Conditions, which are less legally binding than a pinky promise but way more entertaining. If you don’t agree, kindly exit stage left and try not to trip over your own ego.

1. Laughter Not Guaranteed
We’re here to serve up giggles, chuckles, and the occasional snort-laugh, but laughter is not guaranteed. If you visit Everyonesacomedian.com and don’t crack a smile, don’t blame us—find a mirror and tell yourself a joke. If that doesn’t work, maybe your face is just practicing for the grumpy cat audition. No refunds on bad moods.

2. User Conduct: Don’t Be a Heckler
You’re welcome to unleash your inner comedian in our interactive sections, but keep it classier than a stand-up set at a dive bar. No posting content that’s meaner than a heckler at a rookie’s open mic, including but not limited to:
• Hate speech, bullying, or anything that makes us wish we had a mute button for you.
• NSFW content (unless “NSFW” stands for “Not Safe For Wombats,” then we’ll talk).
• Spamming the comment section with knock-knock jokes. We get it, “who’s there?” is your whole personality.
Violators will be digitally escorted out by our virtual bouncer, Bad Rudi the Red Panda, who’s got a filthy mouth and zero patience.

3. Intellectual Property: Our Jokes, Your LOLs
All content on Everyonesacomedian.com—jokes, memes, and that one-liner you wish you’d thought of—is our property or licensed to us. You can laugh, share, and quote us (with credit, duh), but don’t try to pass off our material as your own. Stealing jokes is a crime punishable by eternal open-mic nights with no applause. If you submit content to our “Unleash Your Inner Comedian” section, you grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to showcase it, mostly because we think your pun about chickens crossing roads is comedy gold.

4. Liability: We’re Not Your Therapist
Using this site is at your own risk. If you laugh so hard you spill coffee on your keyboard, snort milk out your nose, or accidentally wake your neighbor’s dog, that’s on you. We’re not liable for any damages, emotional or otherwise, unless your damage is a severe lack of humor, in which case, see Section 1 about the mirror. Also, if the site crashes because too many people are laughing at once, we’ll fix it when we stop giggling.

5. Accounts and Access: Don’t Share Your Mic
If you create an account, protect your password like it’s the punchline to your best joke. Sharing your login is like letting your friend borrow your comedy notebook—bad idea. We reserve the right to suspend accounts for suspicious activity, like if you try to log in from 17 devices at once or your profile pic is just a sad clown emoji.

6. Third-Party Links: Proceed with Caution
Our site may link to other corners of the internet, like X posts or that viral video of a cat telling knock-knock jokes. We’re not responsible for what you find there. Click at your own risk, and don’t come crying to us if you end up on a site selling “genuine” alien stand-up tickets.

7. Termination: The Show Must Go On (Without You)
We can kick you off the site faster than you can say “tough crowd” if you break these terms. Don’t worry, we’ll give you a dramatic exit montage, but you’re not getting a curtain call. If we shut down the site (unlikely, we’re too funny for that), we’ll give you a heads-up so you can screenshot your favorite jokes.

8. Changes to These Terms: We’re Improvising
We might update these Terms and Conditions when we feel inspired, like after a really good improv session. Check back often, because assuming the rules haven’t changed is like assuming your audience loves prop comedy. Spoiler: they don’t.

9. Contact Us: Drop a Line, Not a Mic
Got questions, complaints, or a killer joke to share? Hit us up through the contact page on Everyonesacomedian.com. We’ll respond faster than you can say “ba-dum-tss,” unless we’re busy laughing at our own content.

10. Final Note: Keep It Light
This is a comedy club, not a courtroom. These terms are here to keep the vibes high and the lawyers unemployed. So grab a virtual seat, unleash your inner comedian, and let’s make the internet a funnier place. If you’re still not laughing, well, you know where the mirror is.