Shipping Policy

Last Updated: When the UPS Guy Delivered a Laugh (02:32 PM MST, August 5, 2025)

Welcome to the Shipping Policy of Everyonesacomedian.com, where we ship your merch faster than a comedian bombs on stage—and with a grin! Everything you purchase comes with shipping baked right in, because we’re geniuses like that. No extra fees to gouge you, just pure American comedy club generosity. But hold onto your hats (or your new “Everyone’s a Comedian” cap)—there’s a twist. Read on, chuckle, and don’t say we didn’t warn you.

The Genius Part
• Free Shipping, Built-In: Every item you buy—be it a T-shirt, sticker, or that rubber chicken you impulse-bought—ships at no additional cost. We’ve cleverly hidden the shipping fees in the price, so you feel like a savvy shopper while we pat ourselves on the back. You’re welcome, America!
• Domestic Delivery: We’ll ship anywhere in the good ol’ U.S. of A., from sea to shining sea, or at least to your mailbox if the postal service cooperates. Expect your package within 5-10 business days, unless the truck gets stuck laughing at our jokes.
The “No Offense” Catch
• No Overseas Shipping (Unless You Pay Up): Sorry, international fans, but we’re not shipping across the pond—or any pond—without extra cost. Why? Because I’m American, and my budget doesn’t stretch to global comedy tours yet. If you’re outside the U.S. and desperate for our merch, contact us for a custom quote. Bring your wallet and a sense of humor—we’ll figure it out, but it won’t be cheap.
• Customs? Your Problem: If you convince us to ship overseas and it gets held up in customs, don’t cry to us. We’re comedians, not diplomats. Pay the fees, bribe the officials with a joke, and call it a day.

Shipping Basics
• Processing Time: Orders are packed up within 2-3 business days, unless Bad Rudi the Red Panda decides to nap on the boxes. We’ll notify you with a tracking number faster than you can say “where’s my stuff?”
• Lost or Damaged Goods: If your package goes missing or arrives looking like it survived a heckler’s wrath, let us know. We’ll investigate, but no promises—we’re not the postal police.
• Returns? Nope: Since shipping’s free, returns aren’t a thing. Gift that mangled mug to someone you don’t like, per our Refund Policy. It’s the American way!

Changes to This Policy
We might tweak this if shipping costs skyrocket or if we decide to conquer Canada next. Check back, or risk being surprised like a prop comic without props.

Contact Us
Got a shipping question or a plea for international delivery? Hit up the contact page on Everyonesacomedian.com. We’ll respond quicker than a stand-up’s encore—unless we’re busy shipping laughs.

Final Bow
That’s the deal—free U.S. shipping, extra cost overseas, no offense intended (well, maybe a little). If this policy has you giggling or plotting a cross-border heist, mission accomplished. Now go shop, you comedy genius!